Misattunement & Co-regulation

Think being regulated means living in a flatline state of calmness?

Did you know that you can co-regulate with nervous systems that aren’t human?

Confused about having complex trauma despite having a “good” childhood? 

In this week’s episode we’re discussing co-regulation and misattunement. These are terms you’ve heard a lot on our podcast this season, and probably on social media. We’re dedicating this episode to explain what these terms mean and their importance in relationships from a Neuro Somatic Intelligence perspective.

Our nervous systems are in constant interplay with the other nervous systems around us communicating through an unspoken language of social synapse. This dynamic dance begins early in our development, even before birth.

Early childhood experiences with primary caregivers set the stage for a lifetime of how individuals perceive themselves, others, and the world. Trusting relationships during development create a sense of safety and confidence, while emotional misattunement  leads to a feeling of not being seen or heard. This all lays the foundation for self-regulation and teaches us that we have the power to navigate our emotional states. 

If that foundation isn’t strong, individuals can struggle with relationships, even if they want them. Thankfully there are powerful, non-human ways to co-regulate. We share our personal transformation stories of co-regulating with beloved pets and nature.

Jennifer shares her deep bond with her dog, Grace, who played a crucial role in her healing journey. And Elisabeth shares about the support and love she received from her angel pup. We both get a bit emotional.

We, also, unpack how early childhood experiences, even in loving households, can have profound effects on our emotional well-being and behaviors throughout life. Then we talk about the maladaptive behaviors often used to cope when emotional co-regulation is lacking.

Thanks to a brave anonymous question in our private Facebook group, we discuss the intricate connection between maternal stress and early nervous system development. Elisabeth uses this tender question as a real life example to explain the role the HPA axis has on stress in early development.

Even though it may be a fact of life that your nervous system has been shaped by complex trauma, we firmly believe that change is still possible for you. Just like it was for us.

It is possible to learn tools to respond differently and re-regulate, even if you have a hypersensitive nervous system. Use the NSI tools that we used to learn how to self soothe in new, healthy and adaptive ways that move you forward to create a new life. 

Join us on the Brain Based Wellness site for 2 free weeks of neuro training to get started. We teach live on the site every week and there’s an intensive library for you to explore. Go to rewiretrial.com. We’re looking forward to seeing you there!

Episode Highlights:

  • Crucial role that trust and predictability play in co-regulation
  • How establishing boundaries is essential to avoid internalizing the dysregulation of others 
  • Recognizing relationship limits
  • The most divinely intelligent co-regulation tool available to you
  • The connection between Attunement and reading the room
  • Importance of deep emotional work in regulating the nervous system
  • Impact of emotional misattunement 
  • Navigating emotional dissonance 
  • Inherited trauma responses
  • Creating a new homeostasis 
  • How thoughts and beliefs can trigger stress responses
  • How negative beliefs like shame and unworthiness shape emotional regulation
  • Role of emotional processing and releasing
  • Influence of Fathers
S3 E16

Listen to more episodes of Trauma Rewired HERE

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